Category: Dealing with Dying

You’d think dying would be harder for the nonreligious. For us, death is the end, as final as turning off the television—and throwing it in the lake. However false-ly, believers can look forward to eternal bliss or, if not bliss, at least justice; resolution, all the same. Picturing a deity’s hand upon the cosmic helm, …

myrrh (mûr) n. An aromatic gum resin obtained from woody plants of the genus Commiphora, valued in the ancient world as a perfume and as an embalming agent. Traditionally, a gift of the Magi to the infant Jesus. Not so long ago, I inadvertently found myself a party to a conversation at my health club. …

Our twenty-nine-year-old son died suddenly after taking an illegal drug. He was our only child. Before my husband and I were able to see him, the authorities took possession of his body for autopsy. We saw Kevin two days later. Another two months passed before we were permitted to retrieve his belongings, which the police …

I believe deeply and passionately in acknowledging and celebrating the seasons of life—births, graduations, marriages, civil unions, anniversaries, retirements, and deaths—and, on special occasions, participating in rites of passage to commemorate them. I enjoy welcoming celebrations for a new baby and its happy parents and marriage ceremonies, at which I often choke up because they …

I loved my mom. She was the type of single mother who never looked to anyone else to make her life easier. She believed that my brother and I should choose our own religion, despite her strong Lutheran upbringing. Life didn’t inspire my mom; it wore her down. Whatever inspiration religion could have provided, my brother …

To mark those transition points in life like weddings, baby welcomings, and funerals, ritual ceremonies are customary and expected. Here in secular Scotland, increasing numbers of people are demanding ceremonies without a religious element. Humanist celebrants facilitate such ceremonies, which are exceedingly popular—especially funerals. Secular ceremonies demonstrate humanism in action and provide a valuable service for …

On July 11, 1987, I found our only child, Geoffrey, dead in his bed. He was home after his freshman year at Ober-lin College. Dyslexic and not a distinguished student, he had nonetheless graduated from Buffalo’s first-rate Calasanctius prep school and scored well enough on the S.A.T. to have his choice of colleges. Anthropology was …

In July 2004, my husband Chuck and I celebrated our fiftieth wedding anniversary. Our four daughters and their families joined us at the Glacier National Park hotel, where Chuck and I first met. It was one of the happiest times of our lives. Four months later, we experienced one of the saddest when Chuck died. …

My mother died in 1995. She was Catholic; though she had suicided, there still followed the whole conventional round of open-casket viewing, a memorial service at the funeral home, the funeral Mass, and a graveside service. At Mass, the priest endlessly conjured images of my mother in heaven. The mourners, mostly Catholic, seemed to draw …

Between 1993 and 2001, death claimed much of my immediate family: my only child, my brother, my brother-in-law, my father, and my recently widowed sister’s thirty-five-year-old son. My mother died in 2006. That’s a lot of dead folks—nontheists and skeptics all—for whom to make the ultimate arrangements in a place that’s none too skeptic-friendly. Perched …

If you’re reading this article, there’s a good chance you are not dead. Secular humanists accept the inevitability of death and also accept the fact that the world will continue without their presence. Some are indifferent to what happens to their remains and property after they die; for others, it is a matter of some …

A plant marks the spot where ashes have been buried. “I wanna be buried in Brad’s backyard!” When this announcement rose in a woman’s voice above the cheery conversation at Richard’s memorial “party,” the rest of us mentally reviewed our plans, if any, for our earthly remains. For me, occupying a box in side a …

Aerial burial is the “final jump” for sport skydivers. A former Marine and recreational skydiver with over 744 jumps under his belt, our friend John (D-1266*) died a few years ago of heart disease. His partner contacted a skydiving buddy, Bear, to arrange a fitting ritual at the local drop zone at Perris, California. She …

Walter Hoops—longtime rationalist activist and stalwart supporter of The American Rationalist (AR)—left instructions that he did not want a memorial service of any kind after his death. But, after all, services are really for us, the living. His service was held during Labor Day weekend 1999, a few months after his death, at the end of …

No illusion is authentically comforting. —Verle Muhrer “Funerals and memorials aren’t for the dead, they’re for the living.” That’s a maxim often heard from believers and humanists alike, including several writers in this section. Curmudgeon that I am, I’m unconvinced. I look at this whole business of secular memorial services and ask, “Why bother?” First …

You and I have something in common. We are both careening headlong toward aging and death. That’s the gorilla in the room that we try to ignore—the impetus behind countless brands of superstition. But this is 2007, and there may be a more scientific and rational way for us to look at these issues. If control …

Monumental energies, skills, and resources are devoted to keeping people alive indefinitely. Very little is put into letting us die by choice and with dignity. I have a wonderful wife whom I love, along with the “ideal” life we share here in Hawaii. Nonetheless, I intend, at the proper time, to kill myself. Our lives are …

When my children were very young, I stayed away from discussing the subject of death with them. Nothing ever happened to make the topic inevitable: no pet died, no grandparent passed away, no president was shot. The word dead was used for speaking about nothing more alarming than dead batteries and dead leaves. Soon after our …