Since its “rediscovery” in recent decades, Yeaster has become one of the most popular and fastest-growing holidays in the world. It is recognized by national holiday commissions in eighty-seven countries on eleven continents, and under consideration in many others.
Why all the fuss over Yeaster? Because it is a celebration of yeast, perhaps the most important (and certainly the most entertaining) microbe on the planet. It was welcomed by Noah onto his ark, the scriptures tell us, “two billion by two billion”; further, it was venerated by the poet Yeats as “the germ from which mankind was fermented … and womankind too.”[1]
Celebrations of this miraculous microbe were recorded in the Mediterranean as early as 2000 BCE. It may have even played a minor role in Rome’s eventual rise. The holiday fell into disfavor after “the Unleavening” by bishop Cornelius of Connacht in 781 CE, when he declared the activities associated with the invisible microbe to be attributable instead to the invisible hand of God (or an invisible puka; those were confusing times). In the middle ages, Yeaster was considered merely a plagiarization of Easter, and its celebration marked as a heresy punishable by either strict life-long sobriety or death (offenders got to choose).
Modern historians believe the opposite to be the case: that like many other Christian holidays, it was actually the pagan Festum Membrana Albinius (“Feast of the White Film”)—known simply as Yeaster in the Germanic cultures—that was co-opted into Easter. This would have been an entirely logical expropriation, as it could not have escaped notice by early missionaries that yeast gave their lives for our sins … and that the yeast had, indeed, risen … and that the yeast will come again. This theory of the origin of Easter gained credibility when respected twentieth-century linguist W. Alfred Yankovic weighed in, positing, “Then you tell me where the word ‘Easter’ came from … from—the east?!”
Yeaster has always been, and remains, the celebration of the staff of the staff of life, not to mention the staff of every potable alcoholic beverage ever consumed.[2] Wiping aside any overgrowth of discomfiture with which the microbe has historically infected us, we come to see yeast as worthy, yea deserving, of our appreciation, our celebration, our praise![3]
Typical modern Yeaster celebrations involve responsible consumption of fermented and distilled beverages … and bread … and perhaps a chocolate bunny because … well, does there really need to be a reason? So this Yeaster, let us toast our bread and celebrate yeast’s ongoing sacrifice for mankind (and womankind, too, of course) in a manner befitting that sacrifice—thereby rendering unto yeast, what is yeast’s.[4]
Cheers and Happy Yeaster Day: April 1, 2021!
Notes
- It may have been Keats.
- This is actually true. For more on yeast and alcohol, the book Proof by Adam Rogers is a fun and fascinating exploration (seriously).
- Also true.
- Or something like that.